I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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