chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you will always have a special place in my vag
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Randomize
