i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize