You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
