I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize