but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
