Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
