And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
