Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
