Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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