Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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