This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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