friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
