Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
