don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
