I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize