a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
