So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He has the fingertips of a God
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