Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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