As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
