she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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