I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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