The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
