I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
