im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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