He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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