I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
