I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So many bounce houses so little time
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
