Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have already put on my inside pants.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize