Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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