Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
