Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
