There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
