I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
