hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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