how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
