Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I want to be your penis for a week.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
