I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
