it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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