no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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