singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize