that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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