he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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