I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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