Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
