I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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