We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Small penises have feelings too.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the room spins SO much faster in panama
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
