I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize