I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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