I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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