420 ftw
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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