so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
