I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
