evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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