You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
