i would punch a child for taco bell
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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