chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Randomize
