I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
