I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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