LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
