Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
