i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Are we still banned from the library?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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