When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
