i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
