he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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